Theodore Gérard, Belgian
“Being 85, Naturally Your Grandfather and I Assumed It Was Safe To Stop Using Birth Control, But SURPRISE!,” Date Unknown
Oil on canvas
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Though he passed in 1902, not 1895 as these (and most other websites) currently say, info, or links that point to more info, about this artist can be found here (archived if necessary), and here (if truncated, can be read in full for free on Fridays), perhaps in addition to what’s in his Google translated German Wikipedia page.
For some odd reason, the Google translation of his German Wikipedia page changed the location of his death. He passed in Melle in Germany, not Laeken in Belgium. I corrected the Wikipedia page with that information. So, maybe I’m seeing a Wikipedia page that hasn’t been published worldwide and the Google translator is seeing the old webpage.
/// In their fam’ly home, four generations
lived together in spite of vexations.
There’s no privacy there,
so conceiving an heir
meant the woods is where they had relations.
/// They don’t know about morals or sin,
or biology (to their chagrin).
“It’s the stork!” some will shout,
“Makes these babies pop out.”
But they can’t figure how they got in!
/// Grandma startles the clan by revealing
a new baby the sheets were concealing
to determine which brother
made his cousin a mother.
(None found fatherhood very appealing.)
/// All the males in the clan understood,
when you make a new thing you need wood.
The new floor, the new door,
the new cradle and more.
All the females agreed wood is good.
/// Cousins met (just by chance) in the park.
Whispered quietly each brief remark.
Cuddled close not to freeze
in that dense grove of trees.
But which cousins? It’s moonless and dark.
/// Grandma gathered them here to confront
this child’s father, who is, to be blunt,
a no-account grunt
who’d rather go hunt
than to fess up and help raise the runt.
/// Grandma’s relatives loved her until
she brought news that’s a real bitter pill.
“Though you’ll all disagree,
this child, named after me,
will get everything in my new will.”