Harald Slott-Møller, Danish
At Edwardian Era Picnics, the Sack Race Was Traditionally Followed By a Tug of Salad, 1917
Oil on canvas
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Info, or links that point to more info, about this artist can be found here, here, here (Google translated), and here (Google translated), perhaps in addition to what’s in his Wikipedia page (Google translated Danish Wikipedia page has more).
/// “Mrs. Milius” and “Mrs. Schroll”
have agreed to meet here on this knoll.
One is really a man,
and they whisper their plan
to make world domination their goal.
/// Picnic in the Woods— perfect disguise
for a meeting of two German spies.
Denmark’s neutral, and thus,
they can both, with no fuss,
mix explosives with no prying eyes.
/// One spy’s male, dressed in drag. You think that
from the padding “she” looks a bit fat.
But you’ve got it all wrong.
She’s been large all along.
The male spy is the one in the hat.
/// LR forty-nine, nine fifty-four
is the secret that might win the war.
Nothing like it’s been seen
in nineteen-seventeen,
it could blow a battalion to gore.
/// But the German spies never foresaw
that the formula had a huge flaw.
Left out in the hot sun
their food-bomb comes undone.
Too much mayonnaise mixed in the slaw.
/// Curdled mayo can pack quite a punch,
but their food-bomb was not meant to munch.
Blended into the chowder,
with aluminum powder,
was ammonium nitrate — (no lunch).
/// Sapphic ladies, if they were discreet,
could live lives that were loving and sweet.
Back then nobody cared
that two “spinster friends” shared
the same home and the same bedroom suite.
/// Perhaps people were being naïve,
choosing neither to see nor believe.
But a lesbian pair
was thought terribly rare
by straight dummies who will self-deceive.