Hugo Kauffmann, German
“…And When I’m Not Clogging, I Do Some Modeling For German Genre Paintings. But Enough About Me…,” 1900
Oil on wood
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Info, or links that point to more info, about this artist can be found here (archived if necessary), here (Google translated), and here (can be read in full for free on Fridays), perhaps in addition to what’s in his Wikipedia page (Google translated German Wikipedia page has more).
Perhaps more about his can be found here (Google translated).
/// Fritz said, “Thank you for bringing this here,
but I guess that I wasn’t too clear.
Yes, I did ask to swirl
a tall St. Pauli Girl,
but I wasn’t referring to beer.”
/// Drunken Fritz had been flirting with Mabel
from the time she first came to his table.
“You’re a good-looking blonde,
with whom I could grow fond
if you dressed like the girl on the label.”
/// Mabel knew if her wardrobe had glitz
he’d be happy to drink a flat Schlitz.
Tight white blouse (barely fits),
made to show off her tits.
A malfunction? She’d be “on the Fritz.”
/// It would not take a cunning inquirer
to suss out that Fritz thought “I desire her.”
And when Mabel saw Fritz
she lost charge of her wits.
So which one of these two’s The Admirer?
/// Her name’s Mabel, but pals call her Mitzi.
She aspires to stay someplace ritzy.
Lost (on purpose) to Fritz
in a battle of wits,
‘cause he likes his gals dimpled and ditzy.
/// At the Biergarten, all of the staff
liked to point at his clothing and laugh.
Fritz’s ankles and knees
in the winter would freeze,
but each leg would stay warm at the calf.
/// It’s December; he shouldn’t have chosen
to wear skimpy and thin lederhosen.
He can only “perform”
when his male parts are warm,
but it’s twenty below and they’re frozen.