Leopold Kupelweiser, Austrian
“You’re Doing Great, Folks. Now Let’s Get a Couple Shots Where You All Look Vaguely Disappointed…,” 1841
Oil on canvas
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Info, or links that point to more info, about this artist can be found here, here, here (Google translated), and here (Google translated), perhaps in addition to what’s in his Wikipedia page (Google translated German Wikipedia page has more).
/// These three claim they can’t be photographed,
so they opt for the oil painter’s craft.
Dressed in clothes staid and formal,
they attempt to look normal.
Leopold said the three never laughed.
/// This took four years to paint, and it’s wild;
they don’t age and the girl’s still a child.
They’d pose only at night
with no mirrors in sight.
Leo’s sure they’d have fangs if they smiled.
Back in Styria, where they reside,
the von Karnsteins were known to take pride
in their portraits which show,
(like those done long ago),
that Mircalla had never quite died.
/// Sentimental’s the look they requested.
They are “normal,” the portrait suggested.
They’ll stay safe if they pass
as three dull middle-class
types. (Blood-suckers are roundly detested.)
/// What they do to earn cash aren’t quite
occupations most Styrians might
choose to take, if they could.
Though their earnings are good,
we might call what they do “fly-by-night.”
/// When the “young” one’s in need of a snack,
she’s too small for a head-on attack.
With her gold curls and smiles
she attracts pedophiles
who deserve to be stretched on the rack.
The Lössl Family:
/// Father’s boss’ll require him to hustle
with a fossil, all bone and no muscle.
A good look up close’ll
convince our Herr Lössl
to be docile when skeletons rustle.
/// A concoction of ribbons and lace
crowns her head and envelops her face.
There are flowers, as well,
(which accounts for the smell),
and a headband which holds it in place.
/// On each hand Father wears a large ring.
His wife’s necklace belonged to a King.
And their most precious jewel
is their child, but it’s cruel
that the two of them named the girl “Bling.”