Jules-Adolphe Breton, French
“Now Wait a Minute. If I’m Barefoot, What Shoes Did I Put on That Horse This Morning?”, 1873
Oil on canvas
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Info, or links that point to more info, about this artist can be found here, here (archived if necessary), here, here, here, here, here (can be read in full for free on Fridays), here, here, here, here, and here, perhaps in addition to what’s in his Wikipedia page (Google translated French Wikipedia page has more).
/// Though Suzanne had a very cute face,
she did not move with feminine grace.
Couldn’t find shoes that fit,
and she often would sit
by herself in a straw-littered place.
/// Mean girls called her “a huge-footed freak,”
and derided her muscled physique,
so, to augment her charms,
with her powerful arms
Susie poked dimples into each cheek.
/// Susie ponders with deep furrowed brow:
“What’s the reason I’ve come here right now?”
Twice a day without fail
she sits here with her pail,
but today she’s forgotten the cow.
/// “You put my life at risk when you told
people I could spin straw into gold.
I can do no such thing.
Pa, you must tell the King
or I’m dead, for he’s greedy and cold.”
/// But the miller would not hear a word,
for, at that point, an odd thing occurred.
A strange goblin appeared,
(body short— lengthy beard)
who had clearly, her plight, overheard.
/// We all know the rest of the tale;
how the daughter would later prevail.
“Guessed” the weird goblin’s name,
kept her child, gold, and fame.
But the miller? He should be in jail.
/// Blessings on thee, little Miss,
Barefoot gal, with cheeks I’d kiss!
With thy feet large as pontoons,
And thy bosom— pink balloons.
With thy wide hip, wider still
Tell me, art thou on the pill?
> or <
Cinderella’s Lament, the Morning After:
/// “Those glass slippers ain’t easy to wear.
They are sharp and too rigid to bear.
When you walk, the shoes clink;
your feet sweat ‘til they stink;
and that’s why they’re so swollen, I swear!”