Edmund Leighton, British
“Yes, I Know I Said It Was a Yacht in My Profile, But YOU Said You Liked Surprises. So Now Who’s the Liar?,” 1893
Oil on panel
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Artist info is pointed to in my comment at a prior blog entry.
/// She left home by the gate to the stream.
Looking back, her past seemed like a dream.
She climbed into his rowboat,
but her lover’s a showboat
who’d been cut from the Yale rowing team.
/// He was never the “Skull and Bones” type.
Got his scholarship through lies and hype.
His Mom went to jail
for lying to Yale.
His “Rowing Awards” were all tripe.
/// Showing off, he rowed using one oar,
but his dinghy kept veering toward shore.
And his curses were loud,
quickly drawing a crowd.
Their elopement’s a secret no more.
/// The dense oarsman believed he would be
rowing straight though he kept one hand free.
But he circled around
‘til the boat ran aground
with his left palm still on the girl’s knee.
/// Soon, her father appeared on the scene
with a stern and implacable mien.
Took his daughter away
vowing, “That cur will pay
for abducting a girl of fifteen.”
/// The youth, glad to escape with his life,
then abandoned his once-future-wife.
Father reached a conclusion:
Keep the girl in seclusion
to avoid more familial strife.
/// The girl’s Mama announced eight months hence,
there’d been one of those blessed events.
“Once again, I’m a mother;
our teen girl has a brother.”
(Perhaps true, though it strains common sense.)
/// So the girl never meant to elope
with a “climber” who just couldn’t cope
with a child on the way.
He’d have drowned her today
if she’d foolishly trusted the dope.
/// Many folks who own boats, it would seem
are obsessed with the length and the beam.
If you call their boat “small”
they won’t like it at all,
but, for most, shipboard sex is their dream.
/// I’m reminded of part of the plot
of a movie called “Some Like it Hot,”
in which young Bernie Schwartz,
first feigns wealth, then resorts
to seducing Monroe on a yacht.
/// This youth’s dinghy was average sized.
Got the job done, but not to be prized.
His blind date was surprised.
She then quickly devised
plans to ditch this broke bloke she despised.