Artist Unknown
“Everyone’s Talking About How This New Abortion Ruling Will Violate Our Right To Privacy. Um, What’s ‘Privacy?,'” Date Unknown
Illustration
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/// We are “treated” today to a scene
in an ancient communal latrine,
where the Romans would squat
using shards from a pot
or a sponge on a stick to get “clean.”
/// With no paper on rolls, a device
called “tersorium” had to suffice.
This part may make you sick.
The sea sponge on a stick
was reused, (but first rinsed once or twice).
/// It will take quite a bit of adjusting
to write jokes for a scene so disgusting.
We prefer naked bodies
to these Romans on potties.
People pooping? No, we prefer lusting.
/// Back then, Romans, familiar with farmin’,
lived with dung and dirt, so what’s the harm in
latrine users like these
giving sponges a squeeze?
It’s not frowned on, like squeezing the Charmin.
/// This odd painting is tough to discus,
but there’s no point in making a fuss.
When you sit by your sink,
take a moment to think
how much worse Cæsar had it than us!
On the important subject of historical European defecation:
/// Martin Luther, a scholar confirms,
had deep thoughts in a room filled with germs.
Produced Ninety-five Theses
(while he also made feces).
Apropos on a Diet of Worms.